I Thought I Could Fly...

February 26th, 2012

Sanford, Florida, USA.

Tragedy, race, prejudice, anger, outrage, and pain collided on that fateful morning.

A teenage boy in a gray hooded sweatshirt. Candy and an iced tea.

A mixed-race Hispanic male.

One bullet.

Two lives destroyed.

Two deaths.

Thousands of lives impacted.

The Retreat at Twin Lakes.

Forbidding gates with a welcoming name.

A neighborhood worth WATCHING.

With GROUND WORTH STANDING.

I've been a bit reluctant to tackle the Martin/Zimmerman "controversy" mainly because I do not see it as a controversy at its core. Tragedy. Race. Racism. Prejudice. Anger. Fear. Outrage. And Pain. All these things take precedence over the controversy. Maybe, in some way, they are the ingredients that make up controversy. Murder is the "crime" of unlawfully killing a person, especially with malice aforethought. Which for me begs the question of when EXACTLY is killing a person lawful. What does lawful mean? Who decides what lawful is. To KILL is to DEPRIVE of LIFE. And DEATH is the END of LIFE. SUICIDE, at least in part, is to put (oneself) to DEATH.  

Here is what I take away from these very simple definitions: That within this controversy, one man was murdered. Another man was killed. That two deaths have taken place. And that in these two deaths, hundreds of thousands of lives have been affected. Trayvon Martin was murdered. His murderer, in having committed this act, killed himself as well (which resulted in a type of suicide).  This disastrous event has no winners. A 'Not Guilty' verdict is not a WIN (by it's literal definition).  Nor is it completely a LOSS. To me it feels much more like a CALAMITY.    

All of this brings to mind Bob Dylan's "Only A Pawn in Their Game". This CALAMITY isn't simply a question of race, or racism. Of hatred, or prejudice. It's also a moral question. An economic and political question. A question coupled with a circus mirror reflecting the ever-evolving nature of our “humanity”.

It's not as easy as good versus evil or the righteous versus the wicked. Here we've been reminded that murder is not purely the crime of criminals, but also of law-abiding citizens. Of the courageous. And the fearful. Now rather than a tragedy endured by two families, this event has become a political opportunity punctuated by fear and words of hatred with spins from both the left and the right.

Two men lost their lives. And thousands have had their lives impacted for better or worse.  This song. My song is my attempt to offer a different perspective on it. To bring it back to the FACT that two men lost their lives here. And that there is a huge potential for many more to lose their lives if this situation is not handled appropriately. I asked myself what would Trayvon want? What might George Zimmerman be thinking in his private moments? What might they say to each other if no one else was around to witness the conversation?

I'm sure my attempted humanization will offend a few of you. To you, I ask if you know what it's like to take a man's life? Do you know what that feels like? Have you experienced that guilt? The nightmares? The ulcers? The cold sweats? The remorse? The shame? The self-condemnation? Maybe you have. If not, I would urge you to try, even if just for a second, to imagine doing something, making a split-second decision, that garnered worldwide news and forever changed your life. For the worse. That forever changed the landscape of your nation. Try to imagine being forever recorded in the history books as a murderer. A racist murderer. Then imagine NOT being able to apologize. To the person you murdered. The family you destroyed. The nation you transformed. The world you changed.

A finger fired the trigger to his name

A handle hid out in the dark

A hand set the spark

Two eyes took the aim

Behind a man's brain

But he can't be blamed

He's only a pawn in their game.

- Bob Dylan

We all have a story. Here's mine.   

I Thought I Could Fly Lyrics (featuring Anthony J. Shears) Lyrics

Dum Spiro, Spero...

It's been such a long process that I don't even know where to begin. I learned so much releasing this project that whether or not it does well commercially is secondary at this point.

I don't even know what to say. But what I will say is this... A year ago I was in Seattle, sitting at a park, writing notes on a journal about a project I wanted to release. Or in this case, re-release. I had the words "The Growth" in a circle in the middle of the page. And next to it I had the word "Objective" with a question mark. Underneath that word, I had the words "Teach/Inpsire them to listen. Again".

I hope this project finds whoever needs it when they need it most.

Sincerely,

AJS

Muzik Reviews - Anthony J. Shears (The Growth Deluxe Edition)

Damnant Quodnon Intelligunt...

My uncle used to tell me "If you have no haters, you're probably not very successful." Ironically, the woman who helped bring me into the music business, my 6th grade Language Arts teacher Maggie Everett, used to tell say, "Never pay attention to the critics - Don't even ignore them!"

From my first day of elementary school when my bus driver asked me if I carried so many books with me to make people think I was smart, I've been aware of the fact that if my critics saw me walking across Lake Washington, they would say it was because I was too lazy to learn to swim. Some do it because they love it. Others "critique" because they cannot actually do. I've learned through a series of unfortunate experiences that many critics are like VIRGIN SEX EXPERTS. In a technical sense, they know how it's done because they've read about it and seen it done before in movies. But in the end, they are unable to DO it themselves, and because of this, are unable to fully understand the meaning behind it.

 But fortunately for me, I have never placed pleasing the critics as a priority in making music. I'll continue to take my chances with the public. I'm called a "conscious backpack rapper" by street rappers. My critics on the "conscious rapper" side call me a "street rapper". I must be doing something right.

 ALL HAIL THE ESSENCE.

All Hail The Essence...

There's a certain artistic insecurity involved in creating art and selling it. It feels a lot like ditch digging. Entertainment is the end goal for some. For me, it's a dirty word I've tried to avoid as much as possible. What this process has help me discover is that LOVE is a strong as death. But that passion is stronger than both of them. 

My music is paradoxical. It allows me to find myself and love myself simultaneously. 

And so I continue to pursue this end. As a beginning. And an end. 

"The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude." - Friedrich Nietzsche 

F.A.N. Fridays - "CL"

"Escaping from the world outside

I turn to you

Knowing I can hide

In the warmth of your music

Till it heals my soul

Sets me free

Of the fears untold

And restores my sanity.

When depression takes my day

"Tears In Your Eyes"

Somehow, someway

Soothes away the sadness

From my troubled mind

And lets me leave

The hopelessness behind

When I dry the tears from my cheeks.

When the need for courage shines over me

"Art of Survival"

Helps set my spirit free

And keep it from hurting

Even though no one's there

To share the hope

And show they care.

You keep the loneliness away.

I feel I can always turn to you

And your music will manage

To help guide me through.

So I come for comfort

Again and again

Hoping you'll stay by me,

Be my friend,

And continue to share your gift of song."

"CL"

Sometimes the hardest things for us to do end up being what's best for us. I'm no expert. Not in the least bit. But I know a thing or two about pain. About hopelessness. I equally know a thing or two about hope. And about REDEMPTION. All I can say is never give up. As long as your breathing, you have a chance at REDEMPTION.

Et lux in tenebris...

AJS

F.A.N. Fridays - "PP"

"Hello Anthony J. Shears,

"There's some things at home baby I don't want you to see"

Hits me hard hearing that right now. My parents have my nephew my sis is messed up on drugs prostituting just crazy.
The rest hits me I've been through the worst abuse. My boyfriend has fractured my nose jaw shoulder choked me till I pass out smashed my face with my breast pump while our 2 month old was in my arms tried to throw me out a 2 story window years of abuse..now he's a dope phene I'm trying to save him. This song makes me feel so much in the 4 minutes of playtime.

Thank you.

My story sounds crazy but thats not even the worst. that song brings me to tears every time."

"PP"

Just know that you're not alone. 1 and 3 women will go thru this in their lives. We need more real dialogue about domestic violence - not just "Leave him!" It's not always as easy as that. Thank you for your continued support. And though I haven't announced it yet, a portion of all sales for "Tears in Your Eyes" off of The Growth: My ENDtroduction will go to an organization of your choice! So pick one, and send it us in a message!

AJS

F.A.N. Fridays - "SN"

• • 
    

    "Dear Anthony J. Shears,
    
    
    OH MY GOD!! I didnt expect a reply, I cant stop crying! Tears of joy of course. Thank you so so much, this is one of the happiest moments of my life! I cant wait!! Its been a dream off mine to meet you but just seeing you live will be such a blessing! Your song "Tears in Your Eyes" has given me the strengh to finally stand up for myself in my relationship. I will be front row you can count on that! See you then:) Please never stop what you do and always remember you truly are changing lives, one of which is mine

    "
    
    
    "SN"
    
    Everybody at #smg is proud of you "SN". We'll make sure you're front row at the show! Thank you for all your support. We couldn't do this without you!
    
    AJS

F.A.N. Fridays - "AT"

• Poem By "AT"

  
  

  "I hadn't been to active on Facebook in awhile, I hope you still read fans Facebook messages, your popularity has boomed recently.

  
  

  Wrote this for you, I'm not a good poet but I tried my best. I don't normally write poetry unless I truly felt inspired by an experience.

  
  

  Here it is,

  
  

  About a year ago,

  I started to lose hope,

  trying to find a rapper,

  that I thought was dope.

  
  

  Then on Pandora I heard a song,

  That made me close my eyes,

  as he rapped along.

  
  

  There is something about his music,

  that makes me feel strong,

  that gives me that little nudge,

  that I need to continue on.

  
  

  Your music is amazing,

  It even brought me tears,

  Thank you Anthony J. Shears,

  I'll be listening to your Album for many more years.

  
  

  ---

  Keep on doing what your doing. Don't let anyone discourage you. You always have your fans to support you. TO THIS DAY, I have played your music to every friend that I have had in my car. Also at the gym since theres an iPod dock inside.

  
  

  Take it easy man."
  
  
  Word to "AT" for being a large part of my inspiration. I sincerely couldn't do this without you guys!
  
  

  
  

  
  

  Sincerely,
  
  
  AJS

The Growth: My ENDtroduction Deluxe Edition Trailer

7/23/2013

Sacrifice...

Into the night, James Morrison's "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOVE ME" sings a desperately sad song... TONIGHT feels heavy. EYE live in a time capsule hoping to write thoughts that land on their feet and hit the ground running.   But tonight is PURELY exhaustion. Weeping is worth 10 friends, but it's just me here tonight. And these thoughts without TEAR(S). So I go WITHIN to avoid the physicality of this SILENCE.

TURN MY MUSIC UP.

We lost. But won. But lost. But won. Lately the stage has felt like a battlefield of some sort - of inner conflict... rather than HOME.  The challenge of stepping on stage, digging a hole that could easily double as a grave, and planting seeds in hopes of growing something worthwhile is daunting.

Planting POET-TREES.

Picking and plowing a field of dreams in an attempt to tempt fate.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

In a lot of ways, MUSIC saved my life. But in other ways it has been responsible for my demise. I write to pour myself out to myself. I'm blessed to have anyone want to read/listen to it. But sometimes I wonder what it's all worth in the end.

And:

The ROBBER yells "Put your hands up!"

The RABBI yells "Put your hands up!"

The RAPPER yells "Put your hands up!"

= The posture of prayer

Put your hands up!

"I love HIP HOP so much it hurts." - Thus spoke my soul - to its SELF from its SELF.

In chess, a sacrifice is to deliberately give up material to achieve an advantage.

SACRIFICE.

MUSIC. Lives here.

Et Lux In Tenebris Lucet.