Speculum Speculorum...

"Do you know the hallmark of the second-rater? It's resentment of another man's achievement. Those touchy mediocrities who sit trembling lest someone's work prove greater than their own... they have no inkling of the loneliness that comes when you reach the top. The lonliness for an equal - for a mind to respect and an achievement to admire. They bare their teeth at you from out of their rat holes, thinking that you take pleasure in letting your brillance dim them - while you'd give a year of your life to see a flicker of talent anywhere among them. They envy achievement, and their dream of greatness is a world where all men have become their acknowledged inferiors. They dont know that that dream is the infallible proof of mediocrity, becvaue that sort of world is what the man of achievement would not be able to bear. They have no way of knowing what he feels when surrounded by inferiors - hatred? no, not hatred, but boredom - the terrible hopeless, draining, paralyzing boredom. "

Seculo Seculorum... Surgam

Lessing wrote, "There are things which must cause you to lose your mind & reason or you have none to lose." Upon reading this, I began to examine the statement with the kind of "eye for detail" a doctor has in searching for a cancerous cell.

"What have I lost," I asked myself. "What have I gained?"

$3.60 means things come full circle.

And for things to come full circle, I believe I needed to undergo... to experience the full cycle.

To be born. To live. To die. And to be reborn. Pluto. Scorpio. Hades. Underworld. Unseen. Unknown. Known.




I have undertaken this task... of redemption... of "Redemption" for Cathartic reasons... In hopes that it might be purifying or purging for both you and I. "In real life, men are sometimes too much addicted to pity or fear, sometimes too little; tragedy brings them back to a virtuous and happy mean." Tragedy is then corrective.

With that said, I hope this experience is pleasurable for you. I hope you can find some meaning in it, and walk away better than you came.

Sincerely,

AJS

Anthony Shears | Microphone Sessions | Walk In My Shoes

Speak.

Once Upon a Time in the Ghetto

There's a war going on outside... No man is safe. From himself. But this aint no World War whatever... No Warsaw. Work with me. And watch. Cuz what's going on around here is way worse than what you might be aWAre of... whoa!

Last night I had a dream Jesus came back as a Palestinian. He kept yelling at me, "Say word son!"

And I kept yelling back "Word" like, "I have none."

Speak.

I understand my purpose, but my shadow may not be big enough.

Every word is measured against the Tower of Babel...

Like here's your punishment. I'm calling you.

I'm calling you out.

Like put your mama on the phone because I know you're daddy ain't home...


write bars where (in this city) the consequences are being who you are.

write bars in this city... go to too hard... and get life bars.

My nigga told me if G.d didn't let him into Heaven, he was breakin inside.

And I was breakin' in(side) like "There's nowhere to hide."

It was Heaven... Jesus was there... HANGING with Emmett Till...

and I could here "Strange Fruit" playing in the background.

So I leaned over and grabbed the microphone from Michael Jackson who grabbed it from James Brown and cleared my throat...

speak.

Fear and Self-Interest...

Men are Moved by two levers only: fear and self interest... and in revolution there are only two sorts of men, those who cause them and those who profit by them. I think I prefer to be both. And with that in mind, WE set out to accomplish what has never been accomplished from our geography. Indeed glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. We, the sons of real men and women, can no longer obey; We have tasted command, and we cannot give it up. We will not give it up. We will not lose.

I'd like to formally introduce myself. My name is Anthony J. Shears. Welcome to my world...

My ENDtroduction.

AJS

Seul Contre Tous...

Who is so hated as I am?... Who so much feared? But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue. It brings me closer to sorrow than anger.

"Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind."

Have not I been kind to you? Have not I offered my heart up for sacrifice? I pray that one day I will see you seeing... so that we may see together.

And with this, a simple gesture of "forever" offered to my brothers...

Music is What Feelings Sounds Like...

Music is a beautiful system of morality, veiled in allegory, and illustrated by sounds, symbols, and words. I believe the grand objective of music is to promote the happieness of the human race. At least today I do. Music is what feelings sound like. And today, when I close my eyes, I can hear the voice of G.d in the music playing. It's Beethoven's Symphony No. 5... saying...

"So you can walk on water? You are no better than a twig floating on a puddle.You can fly through the air? You are no better than this gnat buzzing around my head."


"Master your own heart then maybe you can be somebody."



When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. When I try to protect my family they call me a criminal.


I am convinced the earth on which we live silently remembers the catastrophies of our personal histories. But I wonder... Will the world remember those I saved?

We Only Part to Meet Again

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. I've been rather nostalgic lately... trying to remember all the reasons I loved this city. Seattle, we've had our ups and downs. But you've been good to me overall.

Shakespeare wrote, "Farewell, fair cruelty.”

And so these are my feelings as a bid thee fairwell. Be good to my friends. Some of them might just have what it takes to make it, though most of them don't. Take care of your stars dear girl. We've had few, I know. But that doesn't mean it can't change.

Our evenings have been farewells. Our words testaments. So that the secret stream of suffering and pain may warm the cold of life.

Even in my absence - I write to right.

Introspection Begins with "I"

"My thoughts are scattered... I throw back a few shots, and feel like nothing matters... It's like the rain don't stop."

It has been over two years, and it's still raining.

I'm not so much concerned with the suffering of the mighty; but the sacrifices of the small, unrecorded souls. It appears that for each one of us saved, another victim must be found.

This last week I saw a different side of the human condition. It reminded me of Dostoevski's statement that flatly defines man as a being who can get used to anything. "Yes, a man can get used to anything, but do not ask us how."

Her desperation and subsequent anger were born of the hopelessness of the situation, I believe. "It's all a waste of time. It all meant nothing," She said.

"It's dead now."

My initial reaction was one of disgust; pure disgust with the shear ugliness of what was behind the statement I was hearing. It felt like a very real, external kind of hatred. A hatred you could almost taste.

I sat staring at her, realizing that she was no longer a person I recognized. Her feelings were blunted. She stood on the other side of the wall that now stood between us. She stood there with her detachment. APATHY.

I went home that night and cried. And as I cried, I said the Kaddish for her. I then asked G-d to forgive me for my sins, however last minute my request was.

She taught me love. Then showed me hate.

The Hebrew word for prayer is tefilah. It is derived from the root Pe-Lamed-Lamed and the word l'hitpalel, meaning to judge oneself. This surprising word origin provides insight into the purpose of Jewish prayer. The most important part of any Jewish prayer, whether it be a prayer of petition, of thanksgiving, of praise of G-d, or of confession, is the introspection it provides, the moment that we spend looking inside ourselves, seeing our role in the universe and our relationship to G-d.

Introspection begins with "I" - with eye.

I am sorry.

i's wide open...

I'm sitting at a bar, reeling at the FACT that I have accidentally become the man my mother divorced. I'm a selfish, egomaniac driven by power and money. Lord, I'm trying to remember to pray.

And when I think about music, it reminds me of failed expectation. In my mind, the ends justify my meanness. I see people as obstacles generally. And THAT bothers me that it doesn't bother me.

I nuture a healthy mistrust of others in an attempt to stay healthy.

whatever is Necessary...

Life appears to be a process of trying to grow one's personal power. Remember it. And live by it. Courage. A trait I've lacked for the last 14 months. But it wasn't you I feared. Or them. It was me. And that G.d might not understand or forgive me for my approach. But I know, its impossible to get to the level of success I want without making a lot of enemies.

It is my intention to own areas in communication. By own I mean monopolize and influence. I would now like to introduce you to WMG. Me.

The Nuture of Nature...

I learned today that many plants only bear fruit when they do not shoot too high...

Does this mean that I may only bear the fruits of my labor if I lower my self-expectations? Unquestionably, it is a very costly mistake to try to discover from the chemical ingredients of a grain of corn the form of the ear of corn which it bears. One only need go to the field to see the ear pipe right?

Carl von Clausewitz said, "Investigation, and observation, philosophy, and experience, must neither despise nor exclude one another." That they "mutually afford each other the rights of citizenship."

Though I have dedicated my life to this work, I am a citizen of "Nowhere."

As I undertake what I am about to do, I wonder, "Is there a place for words that do not fit onto paper? Words that yield to both the unholy as well as the holy?"

Please remind me to pray tomorrow. I forgot today. I was busy planting stunted seeds.

Upon Saying Goodbye...

I woke up this morning thinking, "Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than remember me and cry.” As I walked, eyes focused on the clouds, I realized that you don't cry because you lost it. You smile because it happened. I've been thru so much... so so so so much over the last three years. Lord knows it's been some kind of ride. I've had more than a fair share of heartache and pain. There have been times when I've asked why... times when I've wondered how... and now I find myself saying GOODBYE to the bestest, most supportive friend I've ever had.

Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for loving me.

"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

Sincerely,

Me

Believing is Seeing...

Seest thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings.

HereIandSilenceSit

I will pray if ever I remember to be religious...
Silence fills the room up of my absent childhood. I write to right. That's my attempt to be writeous.


Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you...

A war waged on SELF. Deeds do not lie. Yet, I find my SELF wanting to believe that it's all still possible. Breath Mother. We still have hope. We still have us.

We still have me

Iran's Controversial Election Results Raises Questions Over Its Relations to U.S. - Political News - FOXNews.com

Clenched fist shaking at an outstretched hand.... The will of the people will not.. cannot be denied. Whatever that may be. This could potentially mark the end of apathy... It's refreshing to see people, especially from my generation, have an opinion on anything other than "The Hills," or "Flavor of Love." 

I don't get involved in politics. But this goes beyond politics. 

William James once wrote, "The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

Bare witness.

Iran's Controversial Election Results Raises Questions Over Its Relations to U.S. - Political News - FOXNews.com

outliers

out-li-er: noun

1. something that is situated away from or classed differently from a main or related body.

2. a statistical observation that is markedly different in value from the others of the sample.

i have always tried to be honest, tried not to lie. out lie.

i am on the outside. looking in. wondering.

i'm so tired lately. i find it harder and harder to stay awake. to focus on my work. to concentrate.

even when i pick up the pen to write... the pen feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. my thoughts feel even heavier.

where does one go to find peace?

10,000 hours away.

Father

forgive me.

i just want to be successful.

me.

Is Anybody Out There?

Growth is the only evidence of life. And life changes. It is not necessary to change though. Survival is not mandatory. That may be the only thing we can trust. What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness? Greatness? Pride? Nothing is secure. Nothing keeps. Except maybe honor. And even that may not keep.

I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER. IN SOME WAY.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. And I've always envisioned my songs as love, as hope. I risked much in writing them, and soon became victim to them. To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

And though I loved, and greatly lost, I hope. Even still.

I lost my best friend. And what he taught me is that we are all in the gutter, only some of us are looking at the stars.

DARRYL SHEARS.

if hope is the dream of an awake soul - my eyes are wide open.

writers block...

it's been such a long time. who am i now? where am i going? what's left that isn't found? hope sees the invisible. feels the intangible. and achieves the impossible. but it seems so impossible.

word to D.S.!

i feel like crying. i'm here for you. may nothing break this thing of ours apart.

i try to imagine what he would say to me right now?

"Nephew, you're obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. Period."

i sit down to WRITE, and the pen goes dry.i can't BLOCK it out.

i sit down to cry, and my eyes don't cry.

You gave me this quote:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:31)